a friend told me that i am very different in school in groups of people, and when she's talking to me alone. i agree with her. she said i should try to be less eager to please and be myself, the way i am when she speaks to me alone. i would also like to tell this very good friend of mine, you are different too, when in groups, and when i talk to you. in groups you tend to go with the flow, and sometimes say some things you don't really mean. maybe it's by this way you are able to build rapport and relate to other people as well. which is good. i would like you to be like you are when we talk, just as you would like me to be myself too. but i think the situation doesn't allow such personalities to show.
these two days have been very slow moving, and i have had no mood to actually sit down and study. this gave me time to reflect on what has happened, and what some people said. i was reflecting on the IG camp that i went to, and i found it very ironic. we can give so much encouragement and trust to people we barely know, whom we just met, and yet when we talk to our friends whom we've known for so long, we don't carry the same motivating words. for example, in camp, we would say things like, it doesn't matter that you didn't make it this time, work harder, believe in yourself, and you can do it. i'll be behind you cheering you on! and in school, with my best friends, we go i hate you. i hate stupid people. i hate your stupidity. even though all these may be in just joking terms, it still carries a negative connotation, and it brings the subconcious morale down. the genuine support you get from a friend is really the most precious thing you can get.
i feel that there are some attitudes of people i dislike very much. one is the lack of respect for other lifeforms. it could be animals; like when people think they're so great cos they have a more advanced brain than other kinds of animals, or humans. another attribute is self righteousness. i really hate that. i hate it when people think that they are like really good and have such high expectations of themselves and when things show otherwise they expect the world to pity them. that just plain sucks.
and to conclude my giant rant, to my very sexually active friend, i have a piece of advice for you. sex gets you nowhere near your goals, unless you want to do something in that line. keep improving yourself, work hard, excel in something you can call your own, and then, you have no reason to feel pressure whenever you are with us. and as i friend, i will support you. kambate!